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Past Issues, Woodsworth

So Long, and Thanks For All the Kitsch – Final Print Issue of 2011-2012!


Through an unforeseeable twist of Fate, there was one error in this issue.  The Muses, most likely jealous of this issue’s literary perfection, changed the font size on the front page and managed to cut off the last paragraphs of the Letter From the Editor.  The error is visible in the physical copies distributed around the University of Toronto St. George campus on Tuesday, March 27.  The PDF version below has addressed the problem and is available to you as originally intended.  The Letter From the Editor is also reproduced below.

Downloadable PDF: The Howl – March 27, 2012

Remember to pick up a physical copy around campus, flaw included!

So Long, and Thanks For All the Kitsch

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,

“To talk of many things:

Of geeks and gals and one-way valves

Of parodies and flings –

And why we write so many words

And whether humor stings.”

The time has indeed come to say, “Suck it, U of T!  We’ve got you, my pretty, and your little dog too!”  Many of our staff members are graduating this year, so you might think it wouldn’t be a great idea to tease ‘The Man’ before we’ve left its taloned clutches.  But despite our seeming lack of respect for anyone not us, we steadfastly believe that the university is a fair and decent entity, and that ROSI won’t develop a sudden case of vengeful amnesia and “forget” to print out our graduation diplomas and let us leave this place.

As this is The Howl’s last print issue for the 2011-2012 school year, we decided to go all out in our stated goal to improve the local undergraduate literacy rate.  To that effect we’ve compiled representative articles from some of the, if not major then at least most widely known, campus publications.  This documentation effort was also undertaken so that all those students who haven’t been able to find their way out of the Robarts labyrinth these past many months may experience other, less dusty literature.  As a personal recommendation, you should take the time to gently stroke this issue’s embossed text and lick the flavorful colored ink (there’re also scratch and sniff areas!).  We included those features so that you could feel, smell and taste our sweaty creative efforts; don’t make us regret paying extra for them.

Notwithstanding our best efforts, today you’re likely to find slight discrepancies between what’s on these pages and the Truth.  That’s how the real world works.  Deal with it.  Although, some of the information in here could lead to a Darwin Award; so who knows, maybe you should pay attention.

For the 10-or-so people worried that The Howl is going to die out three days from now and be renamed something as ridiculous as “The Journ A-List (evening edition)” or the like, fret not!  We’ve signed a contract with the Woodsworth College administration that guarantees The Howl continued existence until the Sun burns down to a cinder.  And in order to circumvent the possibility that humanity might not make it that far, there’s a clause that states that any conquering entity (robot, alien, cyborg, viral, Ewok, etc…) must continue to uphold the legality of said document.  So we shouldn’t be changing our name any time soon.  Plus WWHOWL.COM publishes at least three times a week, every week, so the fact that we just won’t publish in print for a few months shouldn’t be so terrifying for you.

TL;DR – Walruses say funny things, U of T is a benevolent alien overlord, you should lick us, there might be a Darwin Award in your future, and The Howl signed binding legal documents with extraterrestrials to ensure its continuity.

Daniel Mermelstein

Editor-in-Chief, 2011-2012

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